Sad Panda Sadness
Some things are sad. Some things are “Sad Panda sad.” “Sad Panda sad” is an adorable kind of sad. The kind of sad that still makes the corners of your mouth turn up, just so. Such was the week I didn’t have toilet paper.
I ran out of tp, and put “buy more tp” on my mental list of things to do. My mental list also includes: ways to eat more protein while eating less food, witty yet disarming things I’ll say to Ryan Gosling when we finally meet, the names of our kids, people to leave out of my Emmy/Oscar/Grammy acceptance speeches because they suck, and a reminder to check and see if there’s an Olympic sport in which my flexibility would be considered a winning asset…other than gymnastics. Point is, when things get on my mental list, they can easily get lost.
So, hour after hour, I forgot to buy toilet paper. I though about going green, and using cloth napkins, but was quickly disgusted by the thought. (For the record, I think cloth diapers are gross too. ) “What did you use to cleanse your bits?,” you ask. Naturally, I used “Sleek Sensation Cleansing & Makeup Removal Wipes.”
I bought these for the times when I’m too lazy to actually wash my face. The wipes feel and seem a lot like baby wipes, so I figured, “What’s the harm?” The package says they’re “ophthalmogically and dermatologically tested.” I figured, if they’re good for the face, they’re good for my gander.
So I used them, and used them well. I intended daily to go get toilet paper, but still kept forgetting. I guess deep down, I just didn’t have a sense of urgency about the situation. (I suppose I’d wiped away my sense of urgency with aloe and chamomile, with panthenol for tissue repair.) Plus, it seemed kind of indulgent to use these wipes where the sun don’t shine. It’s a recession. I’ll take luxury where I can get it.
Then I finally ran out of the wipes, and I had to get my self together and head to a CVS. I went to the cabinet where I store my shopping bags, and in there were 8 rolls of super-soft, thick TOILET PAPER. They’d been there the whole time.
Sign # 8736 that my life is Sad Panda Sad. (If I wasn’t me, I’d adopt me. To save me from myself.)
Tags: 8 rolls, forgetful, front to back, ingenuity, panthenol, sensation, sensational, skin, sleek, Terence Howard, tested, toilet paper, wipes, wiping