Archive for the ‘Ex Life’ Category
That is Not a Compliment
Sunday, August 23rd, 2009
Over time, people have said things to me which they think are nice things to say, but are not. Perhaps these people suffer from a lack of perspective, or context, or vocabulary. In any event, they should know better. If they don’t, they should read this and any future posts about this topic (as I’m sure this will keep happening.)
Enjoy these initial examples. (Misery loves company.)
-”That was nice. Were you happy with that performance?” (after one of my band’s shows)
-”Your new hair looks a lot like Ashlee Simpson’s.” (That was today. The wound is still fresh.)
-”I’ve always preferred full-figured girls like you.”
-”That’s neat how you’re wearing that as a dress.”
-”Wow. That joke was, um, emotional. It kinda looked like you were gonna cry up there.”
-”I just love how your whole attitude toward life is, like, ‘I just don’t care.’ ”
*Also, anything preceded by “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…”
STOP saying things like this. They are not pleasant.
Just a friendly reminder from Miss Meaux, Manners Maven.
Say nicer things, please.
Tags: Ashlee Simpson, band, cry, dress, full-figured, hair, I care, I care a lot, I'm a Care Bear, it is a dress, laugh, not a shirt, shirt
Posted in Ex Life, For Reals, Life, People on the Train, Technique | No Comments »
You have plans for a vase?
Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009
Ex-Roommate: Hey. That vase in the apartment. I think that’s mine.
Me :I don’t know. Sure, I guess.
Ex-Roommate: Well what are you going to do with it? You just have plastic bags in it right now.
Me: Well, yeah. You can take it. I don’t care.
Ex-Roommate: Ok, then I’m going to take it. I have plans for the vase.
Ugh. Whatever. You go girl.
Look! It's another male with plans for a vase!
Tags: floral arranging, men, Phil, vase, what was I thinking
Posted in Ex Life | No Comments »
All by myself…
Wednesday, February 18th, 2009
So I just learned I will no longer have a Roommate as of next Friday.He is moving, and the place is mine. At least for the next
three months. I can chill in my skivvies again. I can listen to music,using speakers. The place will smell pretty. Not like eggs.
And I won’t have someone sneering at me for pressing snooze, for singing in the shower, or for otherwise being me.
It will be sad not having someone ask about my day, even if thy don’t really mean it.But, I figure I can always go find a disturbed person on the subway to talk to if things get lonely.
No furniture? Fine. No TV? Fine. No more insanely soul-crushing living situation. Superfine.
I’ll take it.
Posted in Ex Life | No Comments »
Apparently, I’m Living in a Lifetime Movie
Wednesday, February 18th, 2009
Roommate heard about my recent nosebleed situation (which was due to all the dry heat in my office and apartment.)
Roommate says to me, completely sans irony/sense of humor (like always): “Um, what’s up with the nosebleeds? Are you getting into the drug scene?”
Posted in Ex Life | No Comments »
Is it over yet?
Wednesday, February 11th, 2009
I wish this was me trying to be funny, but it’s true.
Scene: I’m listening to my IPod, with headphones, because Roommate hates music being played through speakers in our apartment. (This is, unless it’s Roommate’s music, which consists of Tiesto and Madonna.) I’m ironing., head down, and apparently miss Roommate flailing arms
Roommate: “God! I’ve been trying to get your attention. I swear!”
Me: “Sorry. What’s up?”
Roommate: “Do you have any facial moisturizer?! I’m completely out.”
Me: “Um. Sure.”
Roommate: “Well, like, where is it? What’s it called?!”
Me: “In the medicine cabinet. I dunno. It’s just whatever’s in there that looks like it goes on your face.”
Roommate: “Fine. Whatever.” (eyes rolling like a 13yr old girl)
Honestly. I am never dating another woman.
Posted in Ex Life | No Comments »
My Friday wish…
Friday, February 6th, 2009
is for my ex-bf/current roommate and his new girlfriend to get it on ’til the break of dawn. I hope I come home and see his shackpack gone. It would be better than seeing nude Michael Phelps in my kitchen baking me (pot) brownies in a Speedo.
No shackpack = Monet has the place to herself=Monet can do whatever she wants=Monet will listen to loud music , in just a t-shirt, and eat fruit…in the bed.All over the bed. Fingers crossed…
Posted in Ex Life | No Comments »